In Memory of Marianne Fox

Thank you for all the cards, flowers, and messages of support after the passing of my fiancée, Marianne Fox. Marianne was a fierce competitor, a successful businesswoman, a fantastic mom, and a wonderful life partner. She gave 100% to everything she did, and I am very glad I had the pleasure of her company for so long. She inspired me and I hope she inspired you, too.

A big part of life is learning how to accept our losses. This one is not so easy for me to accept. But it is made easier by all of you.

Marianne got her start in aerobatics as a volunteer, serving as registrar at the Corvallis Corkscrew and the contests in Borrego Valley, California. She would have loved this special issue which is all about our volunteers! After many successes as a supporting player, she decided she wanted to try her hand at piloting, and then she surprised us all by entering her first aerobatic competition! People often asked me if I got her into flying and the honest truth was that it never dawned on me to encourage her because I never suspected she would even have the slightest interest! Once she got a taste of aerobatics her competitive nature took over and she dedicated herself to training. Her greatest success as an aerobatic pilot came at last year’s Southern California Classic in Borrego Springs, CA. She came in 1st out of 14 competitors, winning all three flights by a wide margin.

Marianne lost her life in early March on a short cross country flight home from a training camp. Her last day was filled with the enthusiasm and confidence we all knew her for. Her end is something I may never stop thinking about, but not something I should cover in detail here. What I can offer right now is that she had a very bad day where everything just seemed to stack against her, and everyone who could do anything for her did all they could. She was a great pilot on her way to becoming one of our very best, but it wasn’t meant to be.

Not a day has passed without me thinking about the accident and all the steps taken to arrive at that point, and I know I’m not alone in that. Analysis will not help Marianne, but after every accident we do what we can to make sense of things and learn from them. Marianne would want that. She would want everyone to keep growing and pushing themselves, because that’s what she was all about. A positive thing I can do for Marianne is use what I learned from her life and her accident to encourage others and give them a better chance of flying safely, so I will do that for her. You can do it too.

She left behind all the usual complications of an outstanding life full of competitive spirit and vigor: a wonderful family, many employees, possessions, and too many accomplishments to count. She wasn’t happy unless she was involved in many things, and she wasn’t satisfied unless everything was well organized and done correctly. In fact, it’s fair to say that she hated disorder and she didn’t have a lot of patience for complaining, either. I always joked that the years she spent as an accountant provided her with an internal ledger, and her life was about keeping the credits and debits in check. Yet, despite being so driven, she still managed to be very pleasant in her relationships with people. She loved swapping stories and meeting new friends, especially pilots. She enjoyed closeness. She was decidedly non-partisan. For her, life was always about finding the right balance between accomplishment and close connection with people. I wish there were more people like her. She was made of good stuff.

One last thing I want to say about this is that when people lose someone it really helps them to hear from others; not just friends but even people they aren’t that close to. Grief is something we all experience and everyone has a stake in it. Sometimes people call and say things like “I don’t know what to say” and of course that’s the case! How could anyone know what to say? But you don’t have to be a great speaker to comfort someone. Sometimes when you grieve it’s just nice to hear from people who are willing to share the burden. And when they have a story to share about the person who passed, that’s even better! I know how afraid people can be to reach out to someone who has suffered a loss, because I’ve felt that fear too, but loving human contact is comforting to people who are grieving, so let’s all try not to be shy about it.